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External Links (Note: CBC does not endorse and is not responsible for the content of external links.) Hugh Rainer can't remember the moment he first realized he was gay. He just knows it had something to do with the fact he had a crush on a man in high school. The moment he came out as a gay man he says it was his best day. Hugh Rainer, who is now 52, has lived with heart disease for almost 30 years. But in the last decade it has been especially debilitating. "We all need to live with dignity. You don't want to be a burden on your loved ones and you certainly don't want to be a burden on yourself," says Rainer. "I have these two big stents in my heart. But now I have what I call a mega-stent." This week Hugh Rainer is in Ottawa for a medical procedure to replace the two stents in his heart. 'I finally felt like I was the man I had always wanted to be' One day in 2005 when Rainer went out to lunch with his parents, he could feel the tightness and heaviness of his heart. "I went into the restroom and tried to breathe, and I just couldn't do it. My heart was beating so hard I was afraid it would rupture," he says. "I wanted to die. I wanted to die. I was literally shaking because I just thought I was going to die." Rainer was admitted to the hospital. That's when the doctors discovered he had a heart condition. "It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life," he says. Rainer met a woman when he was 35 years old and they lived together for the next eight years. "I had planned on having a family. I had planned on having lots of children." But he also had a girlfriend and his marriage was on the rocks. "I had a family with her." That year Rainer decided it was time to get a divorce. "I finally felt like I was the man I had always wanted to be. I felt like I could finally do something. I finally felt like I was the man I had always dreamed of being." But the next few years were filled with emotional upheaval, Rainer says. "I got a job,



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